Dating Profile Photos for Men: What to Shoot and What to Delete

A woman I know who's used personals sites for years told me she decides on most men in about two seconds, before she's read a single word. She was a little embarrassed to admit it. She shouldn't have been, because everyone browses this way, men included. The good part is that what wins those two seconds has very little to do with looks. A plain-looking man with clear, honest, well-lit photos does better than a handsome one hiding behind sunglasses in a dark bar. You don't need a photographer. You need a friend, an afternoon and the willingness to delete most of what's on your profile now.

What she's really checking

When women talk about men's photos, nobody mentions abs. They're checking whether he's real, whether he still looks like this, and whether she'd feel comfortable sitting across a table from him. If your photos look recent, clear and like you looked after yourself that day, most of the job is done. Clean clothes that fit and a haircut from this decade go further than any amount of gym work.

Being out of date is the real killer. The man whose photos are from five years and twenty pounds ago is making a deal he can't keep. He gets more first replies and almost no second meetings.

Four photos, and what each one is for

Four or five strong photos beat a gallery of twelve. Every weak one drags the others down with it, so be ruthless.

Your first photo is a clear shot of your head and shoulders. Look at the camera, in daylight, with no hat or sunglasses. A relaxed smile suits most men. If you really aren't a smiler, a friendly half-smile is fine. The hard, unsmiling stare that some dating blogs recommend mostly makes men look like they're about to sell you a used car.

Your second photo should show all of you, standing up, in normal clothes, somewhere ordinary. She's wondering anyway, and leaving it out reads as hiding something.

Your third photo shows you doing something you actually do: cooking, fishing, behind a grill, at a ballgame. It gives her something easy to ask about in her first message. Just make sure you're recognizable, not a small figure on a distant ridge.

Your fourth photo is you dressed up, at a wedding or on a night out in a decent jacket. It shows her the man who'd turn up to meet her.

If you want a fifth, one relaxed photo with friends is fine, as long as you're obviously the person it's about and it isn't your first photo. She shouldn't have to play a guessing game to work out which one you are.

Getting the light right

Light matters more than anything else here, and it's free. Stand facing a big window, or go outside and find some shade. The hour before sunset is very forgiving. Avoid midday sun straight overhead, which leaves dark hollows under your eyes, and avoid the yellow overhead bulb in your bathroom, for reasons we'll get to.

Get a friend to take the photos. Have them stand a few steps back and use the normal camera rather than the wide-angle lens, which stretches faces. Keep the phone around your eye level. Take thirty shots, talk to them while they shoot so you forget about the camera, and keep the two where you look like yourself.

Then look at what's behind you. An unmade bed or a pile of laundry gets noticed. So does anything that shows where you live, if that matters to you. The discreet hookups guide covers that side of it.

What to delete tonight

The bathroom mirror selfie goes first. It's probably the most common photo on men's profiles and one of the least effective, and the toilet is in shot more often than you'd think. Car selfies go next, along with the seatbelt across your chest. If you're wearing sunglasses in more than one photo, cut it down to one. Group shots stay out of first place. Any photo with another woman in it goes, even if she's your sister, because it raises questions you'll have to answer.

The fish, the rifle and the wad of cash all have their fans. None of them is helping you here. Leave shirtless photos out of your main lineup too. On a casual site there's a time for that, and it's later, once she's asked. Never send explicit photos she hasn't asked for. It doesn't just put women off, and in a growing number of places it's against the law.

Last, anything more than a couple of years old. If you have to stop and wonder whether you still look like that, you don't.

Filters, edits and AI

Cropping and a little brightening are fine. Face-smoothing, jaw-sharpening and body-slimming apps are not. Even when she can't spot them online, she'll notice in the first ten seconds of meeting you, and the date never really recovers.

AI-made and AI-polished photos have a further problem. They're everywhere on fake profiles now, so women have learned to distrust that too-smooth, too-perfect look. A real man using them ends up mistaken for a bot. The guide to spotting fake profiles covers what women have learned to watch for.

Putting the profile together

Put your clearest face photo first, then the full-length one, then the activity and the dressed-up shot. Pair them with a short, specific ad. The guide to writing a personal ad covers what to say, and the messaging guide takes over once she replies.

Quick answers

How many photos should I use? Four or five good ones. Fewer, stronger photos beat a long gallery.

Should I smile? For most men, a natural smile works best. If that feels forced, a friendly half-smile is fine. Skip the hard stare.

Are selfies okay? One good one won't hurt. Photos someone else takes almost always look better.

How recent should they be? From the last year or two, and true to what you look like today.